Heroin. Stop the Silence. Speak the Truth. Start the Conversation.

 

Marc Alberts: Our little brother

5/11/1989 ❤ 6/2/2015

A boy from my old neighborhood died this week. He was no longer a ‘boy’, he was 26, but to me he was still one of the kids. They ran around in the summer as a pack. You could tell where they were by looking for their pile of bikes. Scenes from those days of innocence keep flashing through my head – when they went from one house to another, rode their bikes to the playground or to the store- images of boyhood youth. Now he’s gone. Heroin stole him. My heart is breaking for his mother and siblings. They have already been through so much, having lost their husband and father to cancer four years ago. I’m sure Addiction has also stolen years of this family’s life. I know how Addiction takes over a home, because Addiction has been an unwelcome member of our family for the last ten years.

Addiction is stealthy. It hides in basements and bathrooms and bedrooms. It steals children and decimates families under a cloak of silence. The addicts themselves are embarrassed and guilty and are afraid to ask for help. Parents feel inadequate, trying to figure out where they went wrong, what could they have done better. I was a stay at home Mom for God’s sake, and my firstborn is a heroin addict. What does that say about me? Guilt, silence, embarrassment – these are Addiction’s wingmen, giving it the wind needed to kill our kids, gaining strength in whispers at book clubs and coffee shops, ‘he’s an addict you know’.

It’s time to Stop the Silence. It’s time to Speak the Truth. My son is a heroin addict. I want to wear a t-shirt, a hat, a pin, something. I want a suffering family member or addict to see me in the grocery store and be able to walk up and say ‘me too’. I want families to not feel isolated and alone in this hell that is Addiction. It is everywhere, and we are hiding it because we feel guilty and ashamed. I have seen in people’s eyes in the past that they knew my son was an addict. But they also didn’t know if I knew, and I wasn’t shouting it from the rooftops. So the elephant was with me everywhere I went. We lived in a small town. I was sure everyone knew. I was sure my son’s name was whispered when I wasn’t there. Yet I stayed silent.

My son is in recovery. He has been clean and sober for 16 months. It’s a miracle he’s alive. That miracle cost us a small fortune. True recovery is not cheap and it is not easy. It is not five days of detox, have a nice day. It is not a thirty day stint in rehab, have a nice life. It is a slow, slogging, exhausting crawl out of the muddy nasty pit Addiction digs under you. My son spent thirty days full in-patient, sixty more days at the same hospital in a step down program, and then five months in transition housing and treatment. He moved to a sober house where he has been for the past eight months. None of this was easy for him. He dug deep and worked hard. He would not have been able to do this without the support he had along the way. He recognizes that he will need that support for a very long time if not forever. He is beginning to see light and a future, but it certainly didn’t happen during his first thirty days – or even the next ninety. Time is the key, and time costs money. We spent a huge chunk of our life savings to buy him the time he needed.  It was a scary gamble for us, but we chose to bet on our son. We’re grateful and thankful he chose to double down on that bet for all he was worth.  We were lucky we had the ability to throw those dice. A huge percentage of addicts don’t have anyone (or have burned out the people they used to have) with the resources to get them the help they need.

My son had an Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield PPO plan. It listed addiction recovery as something they cover. It listed detox and hospitalization as something they cover.  I have in my possession a letter that states the diagnosis is heroin addiction and can be treated outpatient.  Detox, denied. Inpatient rehab, denied. Anthem’s medical plan did not pay one dime of his treatment costs.

Recently my son accompanied someone who asked for help to the ER. He had relapsed and wanted to get into detox. There was not a single bed in any detox facility in the state, for any price.  He had to wait almost a week for a bed to open up. In that week this young man stayed safe by staying on the couch in my son’s sober living house and not spending one minute alone. Kicking addiction takes a village, but addicts need a ticket into that village, and they are few and far between – and very very costly.

How are we to deal with this epidemic if we as a society leave these addicts out there to die? We all pay the price of this epidemic. Banks, gas stations, convenience stores are being robbed at gunpoint. Home invasions, car break-ins, shoplifting, and credit card fraud are all ways addicts are feeding their habit. For the families of addicts, we get to go looking for stolen possessions – sister’s jewelry, brother’s amp- at pawn shops, or we reach to pay for something only to find our money is gone. Let’s not forget the children of addicts. They pay the highest price.

The news tells us to worry about terrorists and Ebola and whatever else they think will increase their ratings. I understand that these threats are real, but our society is quietly rotting in basements and bedrooms across America. Opiates and methamphetamines are destroying this country from within, stealing the next generation right out from under our noses. Kids who should be going to proms and football games are stealing from their parents, dropping out of school, and starting on a path that ends with jail or death. They are our future, and we need to start fighting for them.

The front line of this fight is to Stop the Silence. Scream the Truth. Let people know that Addiction is in their own towns. It walks the halls of their schools and sits beside them in their workplace. It is teaching their children, driving their buses, policing their streets, and killing their neighborhood children.

If we stop the silence, people will start fighting this battle together instead of feeling ineffective, isolated and alone. If we speak the truth, society will begin to recognize the crisis we are all facing as this epidemic of Addiction stops hiding behind walls of silence and is driven into the light. If we start the conversation, we as a society can put our efforts toward a solution.

Share your story. Let people know how Addiction has touched your life. It has probably touched their lives as well. Help save our children.

My son is a heroin addict.

Stop the Silence. Speak the Truth. Start the Conversation.

 

 

Patricia Byrne is from Canton MA and lives in Westminster CO



768 thoughts on “Heroin. Stop the Silence. Speak the Truth. Start the Conversation.

  1. You are talking about it. Thats brave and thats a start. I am so happy to hear about your son! I pray he stays on the path. It does take time and relapse is so easy to fall into. And when that happens it is so hard to ask for help or find it. Insurance 100% should cover addiction. They cover other illnesses due to other addictions. Food is probably the main one i can think of. People look down on addicts. They do not realize if they would have made one choice differently they maybe in the same boat. I was 13 the first time i tried a drug. I was a KID. I had NO IDEA what i was doing. If i could go back i would. I cannot. And now, because of the choice i made as a child i am in the fight of my life. I have to hide and fight alone. Or pay to talk to someone about my fight. Thank god for forums like this and open minded people. Bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let the few successes spoken about here give you hope, strength, courage and wisdom to continue to stay healthy. We know your struggle is real and true and very individual. We also know the more community you have supporting you the better chance you have. Reach out, ask questions, find sober community activities, maintain you emotional support for your addiction.
      Your family in this forum want you to be one of the success stories. We are so happy to know you have begun your journey to health and well-being. I always say proud, it seems cheesy sometimes, but every time I say it to someone new it brings tears of joy to my eyes. I am so proud of you.
      God bless you,
      Mary

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. I am almost alone. I have my boyfriend who is fighting with me. An honestly, i have been a worse influence on him. I dont look to the future because honestly i am suprised i am still alive. Im changing though and i want this to work. I need this to work. I have started actually talking to people, you for the most part and i know im not alone. So that helps.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Tricia is right. You have made the first few steps, but to stay well you can’t do it alone. Meetings, church, psychologist, community groups… many towns have halfway houses can help you find community support. Reach out to them. Get your boyfriend involved. If you have been the one that has the more difficult time, he may really appreciate your willingness to get involved in your recovery.
          Take care!!
          Mary

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I have seen so many of my classmates lose their battle with heroin addiction. I am 28 and my high school class has lost 5 kids since we graduated. I have so many fond memories of these kids and my heart breaks for their families. I 100%–we need to face this epidemic head on and stop pretending like it isn’t sweeping our country because it is literally everywhere.

    Like

    1. Thank you, Deirdre. For your passion and concern. Take the time to become knowledgeable about addiction and the resources available in your community. Make yourself open and available to conversation with others surrounding the topic. The more community action and support there is, the better our potentials become.
      God bless you.

      Like

  3. Please, every one! 2days ago my daughter died from an overdose of amatryptoline. She called me the night she took the pills and said ” mom, I took a bottle of pills. I ” I told her to call EMS. She said” no, I just want to die” I hung up on her and called EMS they got there in about 5 minutes. In 15 minutes they were at the ER. She stopped breathing as they wheeled her in. They put a breathing tube down her throat. We, her 4 sisters and her 2 children and I watched her die a slow death over4 weeks time.were all praying she’d fight and get better. She stayed on a ventilator and we had to make the choice of taking her off the the vent. Her 2children and her estranged husband and I had to make the decision. No one that hasn’t gone through this can imagine the pain of being 18 and 22 and having to make a decision like this. They waited until they knew she wasn’t going to get better. She had a long history of drug abuse and her children would call me, sometimes in the middle of the night to come get them when they were 5 or so years old. They spent their lives dealing as best as they could. I had them and raised them most of their lives.I cry more for them than their mother. But in spite of the addiction we loved her. So please, everyone out there who is dealing with this, please seek out people who have been through this or are. going through it. And fight with all you’ve got to get them help. Call your government officials, try to get insurance companies to change their ways of dealing with this. We can’t do it alone. We, and our loved ones and especially our addicted loved ones need help.

    Like

    1. Venita,
      I am so very sorry for your loss and for everything your grandchildren have lived through. I hope they find their own strength and happiness in life.
      We all need to find a way to impact change no matter how small the gesture. Every moment, every interaction and every attempt to create change is important, because we don’t know what moment is the one that is going to make the difference… in policy and in people.

      Like

  4. Lost my son Tuesday march 14 2017 , fifteen hours out of three and a half weeks in a state prison rehab : life long friend who is a drug and alcohol counselor tells me a couple of months doesn’t do it , they need a year or more ; Are we as a society willing do do this ? Doesn’t seem so to me , I have been to three funerals in less that three months in our town and I watched all of these beautiful children grow up , I feel defeated, I don’t know what to do but I will try to save one and then maybe one more .

    Like

    1. Heyward, I am so very sorry for your loss. I agree that 3 1/2 weeks is nowhere near enough. The system is failing and we are losing too many like your precious son.
      144 every.single.day…. and that number keeps going up.
      May you and your family find the strength to hold each other up through this impossibly difficult time.
      💔🌹

      Like

Comment here: Stop the Silence.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s