Breathe. The anxiety is better when you take in deep breaths and hold them. Count in 1-2-3-4, hold 1-2-3-4, out 1-2-3-4.
You didn’t do this. It’s on the corner, in his school, at that party where you first met the parents. It’s an evil little devil, that drug. Doesn’t matter its name. That sneaky chemical masqueraded as temporary escape, tricking your boy into trying something he had no idea would imprison him.
Hold you head up, Mom. You didn’t do this. I saw you bake those cupcakes, cheer him on at his games, go to his parent teacher conferences. I saw you meet parents before he stayed over, heard you talk to him on his cell phone when he was out, saw you checking his messages and even making him clean his room; yes, he should clean his room.
You did it right, Mom, and I salute you. But the fact is, there is someone more addictive than your love, more dangerous than your wrath when he misbehaves, more loving when he’s sad and confused.
His name is Drug, and he’s much stronger than you. He’s much stronger than your son’s will. He’s a devil disguised as his best friend. And now he’s masquerading as your boy.
Drug is not your boy! Drug has taken him over, turned him into a thief and a liar, an angry and vile mess.
Keep loving him, Mom. Don’t give up. But when you need a break from the hell, you must take one. Clear your mind. Go for a walk. Go out with your friends.
You see, Drug will control you too. He will make sure you wither and fall, he will make sure you cry and shake, he will make sure you can barely take care of your other children, and he will try hard to break up your marriage. And you will succumb to those powers….if you don’t fight him.
Hold your head up, Mom. There is hope on the horizon. Keep loving your boy, keep encouraging him, but do not let Drug get his way. Be tough. If you must masquerade your love as distance, do it. If you must be uncomfortable turning your back, you must do it. The less Drug feeds off of you, the more he dies. Remember who is beneath the evil disguise. Your baby. Your beautiful, precious baby.
Stay strong, Mom.
Stay healthy, Mom.
You didn’t do this.
Hold onto that promise of a new day.
There is hope in each and every sunrise.
about the author:
Maureen Fitzpatrick is a married mother of five who lived through 6 years of hell when her oldest child became addicted to heroin. Her goal is to use her debut book, Beyond Horizon Fall, as a tool to let other parents in similar situations know they are not alone.
All proceeds from the sale of her book will benefit organizations that encourage positive living and assist in the teaching against/prevention/assistance of families affected by substance abuse. Kids Caring Foundation and Stand Up to Addiction are the nonprofits for this quarter.
Writing poetry began as a coping mechanism for the storm that brewed around her and blossomed into a love and a need to let others know that confusing feelings during turbulent times are human. She invites you to read her real and raw journey as told through poetry and prose.
A former teacher of all grades 2-6, Maureen’s love of writing became a salve during the turbulent years of her drug addicted daughter’s fight to survive. Though help was hard to come by, through determination, love, and a fierce will to live, her child is now drug free and Maureen’ s life is peaceful. She offers her hope and support and a generous hug.