Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

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Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

Sincerely,
The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

697 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. I read some comments today for the first time since September.

    Thank you to all of you who with kindness and compassion have been gentle with the piece of my heart that is on this page. Some of you, unfortunately,understand all too well. Some of you don’t, but are supremely human and filled with light and love.

    For those of you who have made it a point to let me know that they think my husband WAS a piece of shit, I do not have any words that I would be comfortable leaving on this page.

    I am deeply saddened that you feel that asking a grieving widow to read your negative commentary or ” opinions” is ok. More importantly, that you would even want to.

    This just solidifies what I wrote above. He was a better person than you or I combined and I will channel his kindness , lack of judgement and forgiveness here.

    I truly and sincerely hope that nothing like this ever befalls your family.

    Fondly,
    Elizabeth.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love an addict too….he is my son….he is the hardest working man I know….he has only stolen from me no one else….he now lives 2000 miles away and I pray for him all the time. He has been through the teen challenge program and no longer uses heroin but I have been told he still uses other drugs….He knows the program all I can do is pray for him….THANK you so much for sharing….most of these men and women that use are VERY loved and sadly some are forever missed….it breaks my heart how many young children and are losing parents and parents are losing children sometimes left to raise grandchildren….to an accidental overdose! you are very courageous speaking out! thank you!

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    2. I feel your pain sweetheart. I lost the love of my life too to an OD. I wish I could hug and kiss him one last time and tell him I Love him. My kids wish the same thing. We have to be strong and know that one day we will see them again.

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    3. I don’t know who this judge lady is, but she is way out of line. If you have not walked in the heroin addicts shoes, you should keep your mouth shut. Most people I know have lost someone in their family. It has affected so many families. Including mine. It is a parents worst nightmare. Consider yourself fortunate that it has not affected your life. I’ve lived it. Heroin addicts are not bad people, they are sick. God bless them. It’s a horrible addiction.

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    4. I am so sorry for your loss. Apparently the lady that judged you has never had a loved one go through this horrible addiction. Heroin knows no boundaries & doesn’t discriminate. I hope someday your heart can heal. Thank you for sharing your story

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    5. Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart and experience with us. Those of us with true knowledge of addiction get it. Those who don’t are choosing to stay ignorant and uneducated on this subject. May God Bless you and your family, and bring you peace and comfort as only He can.

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  2. I am a recovered addict there’s not a day that goes by that I think about it. I feel lucky I got away. I am a father boyfriend and a son just like all other addicts. I never wanted to be an addict. I can’t tell you when or why it happened. I’ve done things I’m ashamed of to get high and while doing those things thinking how discussed I was with myself but couldn’t control it. I had to apologize to everyone that loved me while I was sick. I say sick because it’s the right term. I was a normal guy good job girlfriend house kids and a great life but behind the façade I was a junkie. So to anyone that thinks it’s a choice you are wrong. I consider myself to be very lucky to be alive I lost a lot of great friends people that where irreplaceable to me and thier families and that wasn’t a choice. I want all of you that are sick there’s help out there don’t be ashamed or afraid. I know how your mind works your not gonna do it on your own thank god your still alive and make tomorrow the beginning of your new life sobriety feels good. If you can’t do it for you then do it for them we all have a them. Those that whe you look at them you feel horrible cause you know what thier thinking. End the every day chase end the heartache. Don’t become a statistic. I’ll pray for you all I know the pain

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  3. Wow. This hits the nail on the head. Thank u. I didnt choose to be an addict. Oh my gosh. I hurt so many..lost so many..but most of all i hurt myself. The void..multiple voids we carry around and numbed with drugs. So desperate not to be myself…i had to have a drug in me in order to put on the show.
    If anyone only knew how many people in the world actually are addicts. In all fairness…everyone has some kind of addiction..shopping..gambling..tv..it just reality.
    The desire to live is a gift esp after living through hell. Finding the possibility of Maybe a better life is hard to imagine..but some of us are given that blessing. Its up to us to hold on and fight.
    Dont judge bc eventually u play every part. Meanimg youll somehow walk in there shoes.
    God bless. Xo. Ashley

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    1. Being a Addict/Alcoholic. I thought I was destined to be just that until I realized my addiction had taken the place of ME. So hard not to regret the past because I have had the spiritual awakening I’m so greatful to live a sober life one day at a time contingent only through a step program. It’s trying at times and so rewarding …just being appreciative with the things God has created for us to behold.

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  4. My grandson is now in his second rehab. I can only pray that he kicks this evil disease.
    He is not a bad person. Great football player in high school and a good student. He got in with the wrong people after graduation.
    My heart goes out to you. People who have never had someone close to them fall into this evil will never understand.
    My heart breaks for my grandson. He will live with this for the rest of his life.

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  5. I lost my nephew to heroin. He was my son’s best friend as well as his cousin. His poor mother found him and performed CPR on him for 15 minutes until the EMT’s took over. No one knew what happened, no one knew it was an overdose, all they knew was that they had to save him. But they couldn’t, heroin had already taken him away. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for all who’ve lost loved ones to this horrible addiction.

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