Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

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Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

Sincerely,
The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

697 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. I’m with you all the way, Elizabeth, my heart is your heart. My son is an addict, saved once by Narcan, once by prison; many times by small miracles; a soulful, intelligent, sensitive, generous, extraordinary human being in constant danger from this hideous brain condition that people believe is just bad behavior. Those who judge are cruel, insensitive, ignorant. May God help them.

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  2. I agree to disagree with this lady. I have never met a junkie who did not hurt his or family in one way or another. Yes they can be hard workers yes they can be nice and yes they can love. But addicts are selfish. There love for the drug comes first always. It slowly take the person you love and turns then into something you don’t recognize. The addiction owns them. They get where they can’t control it. Do I think these people should be saved…. Yes everyones life deserves to be saved. But I do not feel sorry for them. It was in fact them who made the decision to start using drugs. Sorry this hits home with me and just felt the need to put my input in there.

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    1. I disagree with you Amanda… only on the basis that many addicted to heroin started because of prescription pain meds. Those med’s were given under circumstances and continued for just long enough for someone’s brain chemistry to react in a way that it’s all they can think about. They start the prescription drugs and then move to buying prescription drugs off the streets. And when that becomes to expensive cheap a** heroin is always available. It’s a very slippery slope and if you did your research then you’d know that at a certain point it’s not so much a choice but life and death and death again. Without proper support (but not enablers) and proper counseling it’s almost never works out for someone trying to get clean.

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    2. Unfortunately most people do not realize how addictive heroin is. You use it 1 time you cannot get off of it. It’s chemistry does not leave your body like other drugs. My niece who wen t through rehab many , many times told her parents who were both nurses ” the one drug that keeps calling me back is heroin” My cousin who was a Commander in Law Enforcement said almost no one comes off of heroin. The final destination is death. I lost my nephew to a heroin overdose. I almost lost his sister to heroin overdose. These are not young people either. In there 30’s. My niece that I spoke off died at 25. Beautiful and smart but secondary cause of death long term drug use. You need to educate yourself about this drug. Once used hooked for life. There are not enough programs or money out there to help this addiction.

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    3. So are you saying that an addict chooses to cause harm to anyone? You couldn’t be further from the truth. Addiction in any form is a disease. No one wakes up one day and chooses to become an addict. I have a 28yo son who is an addict in very early recovery. I myself am a recovering alcoholic with more than nine years of sobriety. Please do some research before you attempt to speak of something you know nothing about. My son became an addict after being prescribed pain medications after a severe injury from a car accident. It’s horrifying to watch your child go from a normal, happy person to a sick, self destructive addict. He’s a sweet, compassionate, intelligent, giving young man who has had the unfortunate luck of being born into a family with a long history of addiction. This disease is genetic, just like other diseases. It is also associated with mental illness. Do you feel the same way about a person who suffers from any other disease, including mental illness? Think about it. There is no difference.

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  3. Im a struggling herion addict who has done eveything bad u could imagine..Ive been that person u want to smack the fuck out of because u dont understand why i would chose to leave my children with my mother for days and go get high right down the road and not see them..Ive been to jails and institutions and just 2 months ago i overdosed in a vehicle with my daughter present..For 7 years herion has taken me to places i thought i would never go..Depths i thought i could overcome im not asking for anyones pitty..Yea i did make the choice to get high and after a few times of getting high it over took any and all self worth..Values..Morals ..common scenes it made me everything i hated..I couldnt escape.. us addicts have a unique way of sabotaging our own thoughts i know as im only 50 days clean i know im worth every bit of love the next man gets and i know that being accepted in society isnt whats gonna keep me alive ..its accepting the fact i have an illness that doesnt allow me to deal with life on lifes own terms unless im brutally honest with myself… #LACEUP movement

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    1. Thank you!! How personal and vulnerable this must be for you to share… I’m so glad you’re here and fighting for You and your child/ren ❤ Peace & Love

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  4. well if an addict is selfish then so is the man sitting in line at McDonald’s plaguing his veins with plaque and risking a heart attack with every bite he takes. So is the woman sneaking a cigarette in on her work breaks bcuz it reduces her stress and helps her deal with the public. Does she not kno that cancer awaits her and her family will suffer?? Yes addicts are selfish…along with every single human being on this planet because that is the nature of man. If u are going to blame anything then blame the drug. Once a drug takes hold of a person, their ability to choose against it falls dramatically. They live by a different set of rules that they do not see as dangerous because of the curtain pulled over their eyes. Would you blame the victim of a captor for being at the wrong place at the wrong time?? Maybe they decided to take the long way home even tho they knew it was dangerous, because it was a nice night and they figured they wuld be fine. Would you call them selfish because they made a choice that they believed was within their control and ended up being way wrong about?? People need to wake up. Addicts dont really WANT to be addicts and no one EVER plans on it happening to them. It just does….and for some it comes easier than others. The judgements from others…thise judgements cause feelings of pain, regret, depression and even suicide as some have battled their addiction for years and still cant win. All of those feelings caused by nasty assholes on high horses are usuallu the same feelings that drive the addict to use again. Maybe for everyone else it was easy to say no or maybe for some it was easy to only try it once…but for the unlucky rest of the poor souls who are stuck looking in a mirror hoping for the day that they may somehow regain some respect for themselves or the day they wake up and love the person they are again, they are the people who need strength and if they dont have enough on their own then i think we shuld lend them some of ours …show some compassion. Pat urself on the back for not being an addict– while im sure u are guilty of other things that are far less demonizing. You will never kno the battle of addiction until u love an addict or have experienced addiction yourself so I think it would be wise to leave the judgements to God.

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