Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

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Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

Sincerely,
The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

697 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. Hi…I disagree about pain meds being the start of it leading to Heroin. I’m 45 years old, have numerous family members that are drug addicts, and take pain meds, 2 different kinds 6 x’ s a day and NO I do not ever feel the need to do heroin or any other deadly drug. I’ve never abused a drug a day in my life nor would I ever and I love live in chronic pain everyday. Not only with one ailment but many. Chronic nerve pain, severe endometriosis, fibromyalgia, herniated discs neck and back, just to name a few. I think it’s your “willingness” to not abuse a drug. People use excuses, people suffer from depression yet won’t take an antidepressant but will take do heroin or cocaine to ease the pain. I feel I don’t have an addictive behaviour. I also feel the person that does abuse drugs is very selfish and only thinks of themselves. Prayer, God, Faith all comes into play. You have to believe that God will provide and help you through the bad times as I have lost my father suddenly in 1993 and my mom in 1999 which led to severe depression both times. I hope and pray that God will comfort you. I don’t see people that abuse as just another junkie as my family members who I love very much are drug addicts. I’m sorry you lost your husband. I’m sorry that you even had to write this to that crude woman. I hope you understand my message and wish you well.

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    1. I applaud you for writing this. People judge others all the time. People can be so nasty. I have been on both sides of this issue. I’ve been in your shoes, my daughter’s father died of a herion overdose. Herion is taking over, there needs to more help for addicts. I am sorry for your loss and wish you luck in your journey.

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  2. Ok. Wow. I Am mind blown at the lack of knoweledge of the Disease of addiction yet the abundant amount of comments on this post. So I’d like to put my input in here. I am a recovering addict. Yes. I hurt a lot of people in my life over my time while using. And I think that some of you think that what??? We wake up one day and say hey! I wanna go do heroin and ruin my entire life or die today that sounds fun! No. As an addict, our brain functions differently. Our brains release chemicals differently than non addicts. Which is the reason that our body becomes so highly addicted so quickly after we pick up and use even thAt very first time. None of us ask you to feel sorry for us. Problem is, people think that we do. You want to blame us and say we did this to ourselves but we want to put the blame other things as a cop out. Wanna say that we must enjoy living this way because we haven’t changed it. Wanna say that we are bad people bad parents bad friends… because we are addicts . I assure you, none of that is fact. I am a loving person and I don’t wake up and want to die or ruin my life everyday . People are so ignorant and closed minded when it comes to addiction. Because they don’t understand. And it’s easier to judge, blame && insult us thAn to actually tAke the time to understand or grow knowledge on the subject. It’s people like that, that help people like me have a reason to do the drugs to begin with . Normal people can function and deal with everyday problems or huge problems or criticism in different & healthy ways. People like me, because of my brain make up, cannot. We have to escape it. And sometimes, if we don’t find that outlet, we end up as those people that commit suicide and things like that. Because the pain and the insanity in our heads gets the best of us. A drug is a drug. Alcohol is no different than weed, pain killers, nerve or anxiety pills , crack or heroin. Thing is, you accept some (alcohol & weed) because it’s socially accepted and allowed. But what makes a person an addict is when they use ANY substance and face a consequence but cannot stop using. As where normal people face these things and stop. Sure the help is offered fir people like me, but it doesn’t always help and isn’t always able to obtain so easily . Also, it’s big just treatment or meetings, it’s more in depth. People need to get their brains balanced, to function like normal people (whatever that is) , and need medications to treat depression or anxiety etc before they will ever really be able to be in recovery. I’m so tired of people tLking like we are just useless and deserve to die because we CHOOSE to live this way. No. It could happen to anyone, and thank GOD it didn’t happen to you! It does not discriminate. It is as much of a disease as cancer. And our treatment is just a bit different . Our families should be given sympathy… because they didn’t choose for this disease to affect them and their loved ones, or to have someone they love die. They just simply loved us for who we were before drugs or alcohol began to control us. Because we are good, lovable people. . Although many of you seem to think thAt we are all just such careless awful selfish people that there is no way we could be lovable. But news flash . You and I are no different. I just have a disease that cAn kill me and you don’t. We love our families and friends. We like to have fun and do normal people things. We like to laugh and smile and be loved. We like to love! Some of us just find recovery sooner than others: which is unfortunate because so many of us have to die before we ever find our solution. You all call us selfish , ugly, awful and careless people when you should take a good long look in the mirror. Because YOU are In fact all of those things. You are judgemental, cold, ugly , heartless, unforgiving and ignorant people that find happiness and comfort in hurting and judging and bringing others to the lowest point in their lives while they are fighting the hardest fight in their lives and trying to get better. It’s people like you that in fact are sick in a worse way, because there is no treatment for you. It’s people like you that think you are God and can even have an opinion on whether or not to administer a life saving drug to people like me or let us die. Because we are less human or less important than you. You’re very very ignorant and uniformed on this actual disease and honestly, as a recovering woman, wife, mother, daughter , friend ,aunt and sister … I feel sorry for you. I will also pray so hard for you because there is no help or treatment for you like there is me. And I’ll pray for you to receive knoweledge And to become informered before continuing to pass judgement upon people that cannot control or fix their brain makeup . They can only treat it && hope that the solution is found.. because for some is never is obtainable . It is not your place to say if we should be saved or die. And you certainly shouldn’t even consider saying thAt our loved ones don’t deserve sympathy for their loss or battle of a person they care for when something tragic happens. We are human beings just like you. Don’t forget that. An addict is the strongest person in this world, one reason is because we deal with people like you trying to bring us down farther and we deal with it and still fight . How dare you say that yours or anyone else’s life is more valuable thAn mine or anyone else’s ?? So, I speak for all of the still suffering addicts as well as us recovering…. and I ask that if you seem to have something to say that is only harmful to us or our recovery , then please keep it to yourself. And stop trying to hurt us more. Allow us the chAnce to get better and support it or keep your rude, uninformed , ignorant and hurtful statements to yourselves or say them to the other ignorant, miserable people that think like you. Because you are contributing to someone’s demise And possibly death everytime you go on things like this and bash or belittle people like me . As for me, I forgive you for your ugly ignorance. And I pray you find peace with yourself and that you find Knoweledge. God knows you desperately need it. And don’t forget to remember that God doesn’t like ugly . God bless.

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      1. Thank you. It’s just a shame the way people think. I am so tired of the pure ignorance . And people thinking they are better than someone else because of the cards they were dealt . It’s just sad and I hope people get informed and maybe they would feel differently.

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    1. Thank you…You pretty much said it all. I am a recovering alcoholic with over nine years of sobriety. I am granted a daily reprieve from my disease. I also have a 28yo son who is a bad addict, in very early recovery. It is so sad that people are so uninformed and believe that addiction is a choice. It is absolutely a disease for which there is no cure. I come from a long line of alcoholics and addicts, and some people simply refuse to believe that our condition is genetic as well as a mental disease and allergy. I wish you the best of luck in your journey of recovery.

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  3. Addiction has no age, no boundaries. I’m 43….the addict…. My teenage child. Recovering i thank God for every day. Am i scared for him??? Yes! Did i ever think this would be my life?? No! Is he a bad person? No. Just some bad choices. This article made me cry. Maybe because i work second shift and never get a full night sleep because i get him up for school, then all the appointments! Yes, i pay for medical insurance, and the copays…. I try! I pray that woman never knows our pain.

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  4. I don’t think anyone will ever understand if they have not been a addict or had a loved one addicted IV never been a addict but I have lost a loved one to heroin and we faught to help her and struggled begged for her to stop did u everything she tried to fight the addiction and lost a the fight it is a very sickning drug that takes over the body and mind there’s just no way to explain it if it’s not been experienced 1 way or another

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  5. God bless you sweetheart and know that I get it and I also lost someone who worshiped the ground I walked on because of his addiction and he loved me and his daughter with everything he had and he couldn’t beat it in the end it beat him… until someone has lived it and lived through it then they don’t and can’t know and so their ignorance is just that ignorance and uneducated in addiction and people Judge and hate what they don’t know… God bless you…

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