Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.


Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

697 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. After. U. First. Pick. Up. It. No. Longer. Is. A. Choice. But. Picking. Up. That. First. Time. Is. A. Choice. I. Have. Been. There. N. Unfortunately. Im active. Again. Just. From. That. One. Time. After. Being. Clean. For. Six. Months. Nobody. Understands unless. They. Have. Been. There. Themselves


    1. Why wasn’t you smart enough not to do it in the first place I will not and do not feel sorry for anybody who drinks or do drugs , you must be a very weak person stop hanging around other addicts get your self clean learn from your mistakes my life isn’t perfect but I am smart enough not to do drugs or drink and I live in a heavy drug area along with as you drug addicts call the program .

      Liked by 1 person

      1. *Why weren’t”
        “…first place.”
        *does drugs.”
        “…You must be a very weak person.”
        “Stop hanging…”
        “…From your mistakes.”
        “…along with as you drug addicts call….” this is so wrong I would need to restructure the whole sentence to fix it.

        Why weren’t you smart enough to pay attention during the 12 years of your free education we tax payers had to pay for. You must be a very weak person to not have taken the education that was freely offered and learned as much as you could.
        My life is not perfect but I am smart enough to have learn as much as I needed to better myself. This is especially true when I am offered 12 years of education paid for by the taxpayers. Anything else is just throwing other people’s money away.

        Doesn’t feel so good to be judged by others who dont know your life does it.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Look you have some kind of addiction ratherit us gambling drugs alcohol money. All an addiction so that means your weak as well. People like you are ignorant to what addiction is. I learned that it is a lot of things including spending money.


  2. I’m sorry for your loss. I wish people could ne more compassionate. We need to come together on this war on drugs not be divided and judgemental. My heart aches for the addicts and especially their families. Once the drug takes that hold you’ve sold your soul. They need our help to find their way back and help them!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this letter my daughter just passed away from an overdose & I miss her so much, I did everything I could to keep her alive, when she went to jail waiting for a bed in rehab I was relieved cause I knew she was alive. She couldn’t help herself the drug Heroin was more powerful than her will to live, if you don’t know someone with addiction your very lucky


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