Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

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Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

Sincerely,
The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

782 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. Thank you for sharing it is important for others to understand. I lost quite a few cousins to heroin. I watched loved ones struggle as well but were able to break free from the chains of hell, but it took work and finding love for themselves.

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  2. Were 4 generations of heroin addiction.
    Born addicted. We carry the receptors.
    Residential school residue..
    Lost mother ,3/5 brothers, have 1 addicted son.
    Pray for the safety of my grandson.

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  3. I am the proud mother of one of the best souls this earth will ever know. My son had best best heart if anyone I have ever met. He knew instinctively when someone was going through a hard time. Perhaps because hard time was what he was going through for mist of his short time on earth. Yes, my son was an addict, an alcoholic., bipolar, and Gad ADD off the charts. But that does not mean that he was a bad person. We all make choices in life. Some of those choices are not ones we are proud of. But, there must be a reason why there is a very important reading in the Bible about throwing a stone.
    My son died 10 days short of his 29th birthday. He wanted to get better. He had dreams just like everyone of doing great things with his life. We was talented and whatever he set his mind to do, he put his whole soul in it. There was no halfway with him.
    The moment he entered a room his contagious smile lit up that room. He never met a stranger, even though he suffered from extreme social anxiety. He never turned down an opportunity to help someone. He would literally take the shirt off his back for someone who needed it. He would never pass by a homeless person on a corner without giving him a dollar, even if it was his last one. YES, my son was a beautiful person with a heart that knew no boundaries. But my son left us way too soon. He will be missed not just by his family but by everyone that ever met him. I know God has a special place for souls live his. And I know that my son is now truly in a better place where nobody is judging him.

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  4. My son is struggling with heroin as I am writing this. I hear so many people say well that’s his choice and I am well aware that the first time was his choice but now it’s a must for him. He was a brillant student had scholarships all set to start life when one wrong turn changed everything. Stop judging. You can be rich or poor or the best of the best n still be an addict. Those of you that stand back and say well it’s just not worth the time or effort or money I can guarantee you that it isn’t your SON, YOUR BROTHER,OR YOUR HUSBAND OR ANYONE THAT YOU LOVE that your saying it about. One addiction may be worse than another but I can almost bet each and every person has an addiction whether they know it or not even if it’s just that morning coffee….so before you judge take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself…HOW PERFECT ARE YOU? Bet you find a few things you dont like, if your honest that is.. Then ask yourself is there anything I would struggle with if I had to give it up? If not great but that means you are a saint and have no flaws. Well there is only one man I know of who was sin free BABY!!!!

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  5. You are so correct there are so many ppl tht just dont understand the addiction and are juat plan ignorant ( dictionary decinition ofnignorant for thoae who dont kno means lacking knowledge) and yet instead of taking the time to educate them selves at all they just see the addict as a low life, a junkie or person with a problem they have decided to have… I lost my fiance to his addicton after he was clean for over four yrs and his addiction the demon ad i call it called his name and he finally gave bck n to it and if finaly took his life from him me and the rest if his family and loved ones he addiction to herion as he described it to me was like having king kong on hia backs and sd he felt as if it cudntt be shook off.. And even tho the cercumstances of his death were questionable and there were even proof tht i found my self as to foul play surrounding his death authorities dismiaaed these obvious details and proof and juat dismissed his death as just another o.d. and never looked any further into any thing… We had proof he disnt pass where he was found and tht he was staged there but agian not a decond look was taken due to him having fentenyl in his tox screen.. I my self have never done the drug or have never been addicted to anything personally but do have loved ones and friends tht have been and are recovering addicts and also loved ones and friends still fighting there addiction daily… I have taken the time to educate my self and do have compassion for those who fight the daily fight of tht urge even after in recovery.. And do believe narcan is needed n society… There are also things needed in society today such as places for ppl who want help to detox and stop but dont have insurance to get the help they need these things shud b more avaiabke to them… Our society pays for so many other unnessary things tht things such as detox centers and help shud b avaiable to everyone no matter the ability to pay for these… And i kno there are ppl who will have sumthing detogatory to say about tht and will diaagree im sure but they are also the ppl who are ignorant ( lacking knowledge) to the actual addiction its self… I was so saddened ro hear ur story… And hope tht u find sum ease within ur heart and mind knowing tht u are not alone in the hurt and sadness u are going thru loosing ur loved one there are others of ua out here just like u tht are going thru the same and even wirse senerios as ur self… I hope u find peace and healing for ur self… As i kno all to well is a hard thing to do…

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