Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

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Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

Sincerely,
The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

774 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. My daughter used heroin and she almost died a ton of times. She no longer lives with me and the last time it happened she was in a coma for 5 days. She lived and is sober now with help of methadone. I’m glad she’s ok but it wasn’t me that saved her. I hope she never uses again.

    I also dated a man who used and he died on floor 3 times finally he went to a rehab that actually helped him he couldn’t get drugs there and it was a locked facility he couldn’t get out of and now thank God he is sober but we are not together. I am saddened that he lovedmr when he was high but chooses to not talk to me know that he’s sober. I don’t do heroin I never even tried it. I saw so much pain and anguish in the 2 people I loved more than I love life and yet those 2 people choose to live away from me, but still I’m grateful that they are sober.

    I am learning that this is what they need, but wish they loved me enough to let me help them win the war on drugs but apparently I was just a crutch when they were in agony.

    Sorry I’m complaining I really am happy for both of them and for every addict who gets clean. I know it’s not an easy road to travel and takes perseverance and determination. I hope it works out for them. Good luck to any one still abusing drugs today. May you one day get fed up enough to at least try to get sober. I am praying for all of you.

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  2. The first friend I lost to an OD was in 1991, he helped me when no one else would. The next occurred years later in 2008, a young woman I’d known who struggled hard to beat her addiction, at the funeral I sat in the back and cried. I never met her family but to me she was family, the church was packed with people who knew her and loved her too. Another woman I love is still struggling, she has a family who loves her too. Last year we lost a good friend who touched many lives around me and helped me into one of the best careers I’d ever had. There were many others I knew but not well but they to had close friends and family who cared. It didn’t hurt any less than the friend who died from cancer a few years ago who smoked until his last day in earth, or the brother we lost to a drunk driver. To you it’s just another junkie until it’s someone you know. You think “not my kid” but your kid could be shooting up right now and you probably don’t know.

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  3. You may not know what affects it has on the family but I can tell you that a drug addict didn’t want to be one and they are people of God too.my husband is a preacher and a retired school teacher coming up in a good stable home and didn’t understand about this until he met me and my family.after years of this struggle my husbands son in law become one of them no good people as he once had called my sister.things and minds change when it’s your family so as I person to another person don’t be so eager to talk bad about the addict until it’s on your knees with God.please pray for everyone that is sick with this problem they are Gods children as you are and it could happen to you 🙏

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  4. Thanks for posting… It’s a shame more people aren’t more open to learning. I know I have been thru things I would have never dreamed might actually happen to me…or to anyone I actually know for that fact.
    not just in TV shows!! I admit I led a pretty sheltered life…
    I’m pretty empathic when I get it but- I do miss things things I’m clueless about.
    Maybe this might nmbe an eye opener to others.

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  5. You can’t judge a book by its cover drugs don’t discriminate so it’s not a black or white thing it’s just takes everything by storm it likes all walks if life so people please don’t throw rocks

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