Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.


Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

776 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. Moved to my soul, burdened by both the curse of the addict and the curse of those who have lost so much. No one here is alone as long as I’m above ground! No one here would not say the same thing too! Humans are at our best when the situation is the worst. Heroism it’s called. And hero’s you all are! All of you took time to express love, understanding and kindness. All in pain and it didn’t stop you from doing so. There is beauty in that that was a privilege to see!


  2. Struggled with heroin addiction for decades. Lost everything, children home etc. Went to jail and got out and began suboxone maintenance and group therapy. Slowly things are getting better. It’s a lot of work. I hurt many people, my kids suffered and my family. Addicts are still people, like everyone else we made very bad decisions. We still have feelings, but we learn how to work through the pain and new ways of coping. We will succeed in spite of cruel and judgmental people. I pray this disease never finds u or ur family because u have such a cold heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are spot on honey. Judgy lady doesn’t get it. Isn’t SHE blessed…these junkies bleed the same blood she would. I lost my Son 4 1/2 years ago. I still have Family that will never get it.
    So sorry for your loss.💕


  4. Thank you so much for sharing you and your family’s story. I am incredibly sorry for your loss, and so sorry for the judgement you’ve recieved regarding addiction and narcan. My parents (and many other family members) were both addicts at different points in my life, and eventually divorced. As a teenager, I had those feelings of “why is he/she doing this? It’s so selfish. They don’t care about anybody but themselves. They chose the substance over family. They’re missing out on so much.” Now that I’m older, I understand addiction a little better and can have empathy for those who struggle, instead of anger. Compassion, instead of pure resentment.
    I wonder if those people judging have had personal experiences with addiction within their families, if they hold resentment and anger… then take it out on complete strangers, often those who are grieving. Either way, YOU are the bigger person for softening your heart to them, despite their hurtful words. YOU are the strong one, because forgiveness is much, much harder than judgment. YOU are the positive role model for others struggling with their feelings towards addiction.
    I wish you healing, kindness, and that happy memories may one day bring you some comfort. You’re in my thoughts. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am the mother of an addict. My beautiful boy did not mKe it through his last OD, 2 weeks ago. Five years he struggled, he hated himself for the continued relapses, he’d go as long as 6-7 mo and bam someone would reach out to sell it to him. He always apologized he always said I love you he always hugged you and always said thank you. He worked two trades
    He had a baby. No one wakes up and says I think I’ll be an addict today. Addition is a disease Addiction goes hand in hand with mental illness. So before you judge the addict or the family’s or say if it was my kid I’d kick him out, I suggest you get on vended knee and thank God you were not given the fight of addiction

    Liked by 1 person

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