Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.


Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

782 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. Sorry I will never agree that people don’t want to be drug addicts or it’s a disease. No it’s not as a baby you didnt come out shoot drugs in your arm you didn’t Come in this world with alcohol in your Hands. It’s was your choice to walk,drive or how ever you got to the store or a drug dealer house and pay or stole to get your drug of choice or your bottle of alcohol. No one poured in down your throat or shoved pills in your mouth or held you down to walk up day after day made the choice to continue down the path you put yourself on. Then you can’t be true to your self and say I did this to myself and I need to stop. Just like how you made the choice yo started. The shity life of drugs,drinking,day after day. NO ONE BUT YOURSELF PUT YOU IN YOUR SHOE AND WALK STRAIGHT TO THE DEVIL EACH AND EVERY DAY. MAKES ME SICK WHEN PEOPLE PLAY THE POOR ME CARD AND SAY ITS A SICKNESS OR A DISEASE. FOR SOMEONE THAT LIVES EACH AND EVERY DAY WITH A HEALTH DISORDER AND I STILL GET UP EVERY DAY. IN SO MUCH PAIN AND TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE I WAS BORN THIS WAS AND I DO NOT DRINK. TAKE DRUGS OR Prescription medication. I MAKE A HEALTHY CHOICE WITH MY LIFESTYLE AND STAY AWAY FROM AND MIND alternating substance I see millions and millions of people choose the devil everyday no one walking them there but them self. Just like the first few time you told your self I won’t get addicted to your poison of choice you can make the choice to walk away just like you did when you walk in the devil den. YOU MADE THAT LIFESTYLE YOU NO YOU DONT HAVE A Disease you have the love of the high and will keep chasing it till one you make a change or you continue or die.


    1. As a child, you don’t say “When I grow up u want to be an addict or an alcoholic.” So NO….we don’t choose THIS DISEASE! And statistics and studies have shown….it is a disease that can be passed by heredity!!!!!! I’m not going to take a bunch of time responding to your ignorant , uneducated. Stereotypic comments. All I can and will say to you is…..just remember….addiction DOES NOT discriminate….and just because YOU…YOUR SON….YOUR DAUGHTER…..HUSBAND…ANYONE U LOVE …never decided they wanted to become an addict – that doesn’t mean it can’t and won’t happen to them…or to you for that matter. I’m gonna pray for you…PRAY THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO PERSONALLY DEAL WITH ADDICTION OR AN ADDICT – because you my dear DON”T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT IT….AND YOU ARE SO ONE SIDED AND ALREADY HAVE YOUR MIND MASE UP – YOU WILL NEVER SEE NOR UNDERSTAND ADDICTION OR THE ADDICT! I’m going to specifically pray that you never become an addict……and If you do – let’s pray people treat you better than you would treat the addict. YOU AND A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT ADDICTION!!!!! IF I WERE YOU OR THEM….I WOULD START TO LEAEN ABOUT IT NOW BECAUSE CHANCES ARE….SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR KNOW AND R CLOSE TO – WILL END IP BEINF AN ADDICT!!!!! It just takes one trip to a doctor or an emergency room to start the process! Good luck!


    2. Wow. Judgementally spoken by someone who has never loved someone struggling work addiction. You are literally who she is speaking to. You sure got a whole lot to say about something you know nothing about.


    3. You I have no idea how incredibly wrong you are. I went to college I graduated high school I own my own home I always look down on others if they had an addiction. But it happened to me after I hurt my back taking care of others I was supposed to grab an opiate and it all went down from there. There is no way that you can tell me that it is always somebody’s choice once the ball starts rolling it’s hard to stop it now and only now is it out in the open and yes people do make a choice to go by their drugs but guess what these people have children to get up and get the school they cannot lay there and detox and have their children witness this some people cannot afford it’s $20 before a clinic closes so they go out and they do what they have to do to get what they need. It’s not always cut and dry it’s not always just the way you see there’s a lot more behind just a word or the thought of a drug addict or junkie is people like to call them I am a mother and a friend a sister a co-worker and neighbor all of these things I still can be because unlike you they didn’t judge me I think it’s sad that you are still this close minded the whole world would not have come up with the fact that this is disease if it wasn’t they don’t just slap a Band-Aid on things and tell people they have a disease if they don’t if it was just as cut-and-dry as your junkie and you can stop then there wouldn’t be all these things in place but maybe one day your granddaughter your daughter your brother your sister your child someone closest to you will suffer the addiction and you will have to watch it and only then will you learn I am sorry you have to learn that way but I do pray that you walk one day in those shoes sincerely another junkie


    4. Your comment makes me pitty and hate u at the same time. You obviously do not understand addiction so stop being a judgmental asshole!.. ppl with addiction usually have some form of mental illness that starts at an early age and the best way to deal with it was some sort of drug to numb that pain.. until that drug takes control over your mind and body. It is a sickness and you should be ashamed of your self for saying what u have. Do u really think addicts or drinkers want to put the loved ones through hell!? It’s obvious it’s a sickness and there should be more help out there for ppl like that, like me. But there isn’t. So please shut your mouth and speak of something u have no idea about and I hope u never have to live that life or see a person u love go through it. I’ve lost to many friends and family to this disease either through suicide or overdose, bc when they tried to reach out and get help it wasn’t available when they needed it. So stop being so judgemental and try to understand. I’m sick of ppl like you who think it’s all a choice. Do u think ppl choose to have cancer or depression or any other possible life ending illness ? Clearly u have no idea what ppl like us had to overcome and live with everyday. Everydays a battle with your inner devil, the thing that says it’s ok to drink or use this once. So until then shut your damn mouth and stop judging!!


  2. That’s a crock. Social media is exactly where stories need to be told. Too many people think the herion junkie is the guy sleeping on the street. When in reality he can be yourson or daughter still under your roof or maybe that junkie on the street was actually the star foot ball player at your high school, with a future. Maybe he was hurt and he had a Dr. All to willing to give that boy to many pain pills. Yes people need to be educated and where ever they might get the message is where it needs to be. It’s their choice to read it or not. Herion addiction is an epidemic whether people want to face the cold fact or not. Don’t for one minute think it will never effect your family it could be right now and you may not know it. Education is ever so important. Anyone that wants to turn their head the other way, that’s your choice but you may be surprised to learn ignorance may not be bliss. Every life is valuable and no one has the right to believe anything different.


    1. That’s as close as it gets to my reality.
      Star football/baseball playing son, gets hurt. Prescribed pain pills…. botched surgery… and pain management. All leading to the nightmare of having to bury your son. It’s not as simple as someone just making dumb choices.


  3. If I could ever say one thing yo an addict or alcoholic in their darkest hour of no hope. No self worth, Pick yourself up! Brush yourself off . BE GRATEFULL.. FOR WHAT YOU HAVE! ENLIST THE ALMIGHTY INTO YOUR LIFE! HE IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. HE KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU WERE BORN ! HE HAS THE POWER THE WISDOM AND THE PURPOSE YOU HAVE BEEN


  4. This is so sad & yes I’ve been guilty of that. Thanks for the eye opener. I pray for your broken heart. And for all of us not to judge.


  5. I’m a drug addict in recovery, my son’s are also. One in and out – currently in rehab for meth. When we go on social media to tell our story our expectations are that we’ll be understood. If you truly want to help people, go speak at a school. A hospital. A community Center. Be clear if you are looking to educate and inform, or looking for sympathy and understanding for yourself. The two are not the same. You go to one or two good people for compassion. Social media isn’t the place to be telling your story. There are plenty of people in Nar-Anon that will listen. I hope you find them.


    1. Damn… I think this story is beautiful and it helped me. Social media is definitely the place to be telling your story. People get “help” in many ways, and finding a story such as this may help a non-addict trying to understand a loved one in their own life. People please stop being so judgemental.


Comment here: Stop the Silence.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s