Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

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Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

Sincerely,
The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

773 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. That’s a crock. Social media is exactly where stories need to be told. Too many people think the herion junkie is the guy sleeping on the street. When in reality he can be yourson or daughter still under your roof or maybe that junkie on the street was actually the star foot ball player at your high school, with a future. Maybe he was hurt and he had a Dr. All to willing to give that boy to many pain pills. Yes people need to be educated and where ever they might get the message is where it needs to be. It’s their choice to read it or not. Herion addiction is an epidemic whether people want to face the cold fact or not. Don’t for one minute think it will never effect your family it could be right now and you may not know it. Education is ever so important. Anyone that wants to turn their head the other way, that’s your choice but you may be surprised to learn ignorance may not be bliss. Every life is valuable and no one has the right to believe anything different.

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    1. That’s as close as it gets to my reality.
      Star football/baseball playing son, gets hurt. Prescribed pain pills…. botched surgery… and pain management. All leading to the nightmare of having to bury your son. It’s not as simple as someone just making dumb choices.

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  2. If I could ever say one thing yo an addict or alcoholic in their darkest hour of no hope. No self worth, Pick yourself up! Brush yourself off . BE GRATEFULL.. FOR WHAT YOU HAVE! ENLIST THE ALMIGHTY INTO YOUR LIFE! HE IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. HE KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU WERE BORN ! HE HAS THE POWER THE WISDOM AND THE PURPOSE YOU HAVE BEEN
    LONGING FOR. LET GO! LET GOD! HEAL YOU! AND TEACH YOU!

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  3. This is so sad & yes I’ve been guilty of that. Thanks for the eye opener. I pray for your broken heart. And for all of us not to judge.

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  4. I’m a drug addict in recovery, my son’s are also. One in and out – currently in rehab for meth. When we go on social media to tell our story our expectations are that we’ll be understood. If you truly want to help people, go speak at a school. A hospital. A community Center. Be clear if you are looking to educate and inform, or looking for sympathy and understanding for yourself. The two are not the same. You go to one or two good people for compassion. Social media isn’t the place to be telling your story. There are plenty of people in Nar-Anon that will listen. I hope you find them.

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    1. Damn… I think this story is beautiful and it helped me. Social media is definitely the place to be telling your story. People get “help” in many ways, and finding a story such as this may help a non-addict trying to understand a loved one in their own life. People please stop being so judgemental.

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