A Message from Elizabeth Anne Grundy, ‘The Junkie’s Wife’

dear-judgy-lady

You can take the situation out of the codie ( and I do not mean that in a good way) but you can not take the codie out of the girl. I wish so much that I could reply to every one of you, but I have severe ADD and I already drank 3 diet cokes today😊

Here is what I want to say to each and every person who has messaged me about someone they love with all their heart and can not live with out. Someone they are worried sick about. Someone who is so integral to their very existence, simply, I understand.

Each and every story, while different in their own way all have the same bare bones.

I would never ever think that I have the audacity to channel the voice of a mother,a father ,a sibling , a child; My experience is that of a lover and a partner and that is the point of view that I can speak on, but I do know the gamut of emotions that most of you have run through while dealing with active addiction.

I know your fear, your sadness, your anger. I know your disappointment, your dashed and renewed hopes. I know the messes you have tried to clean up, the money you have spent, the oscar winning speeches you have given, the tantrums you have pulled. I know the gps trackers you have installed, the sleepless nights, the 3 am searches in the worst neighborhoods. I know the bargaining, the pleading, the manipulations and the monumental screaming matches. I know you have threatened drug dealers and knocked down doors in a pair of size 5 flimsy converses. I know when it comes to trying to protect the person you love you are 5ft 2 inches of pure terror( ok, lets face it, I am talking about me on this one😊) ( I am also not suggesting this is a good idea)

I know the birthdays that have been ruined. I know the holidays that have been even more ruined. I know that verizon probably wants to institutionalize you for the 96 phone calls and texts you sent in an hour. I know that you sometimes wish you really were institutionalized. I know the endless support you have given and how you wish for just one day that it could be about you. I know you have panic attacks. I know you look like shit and feel like shit. I know you are trying like Hell to fake like everything is fine. I know you have said things you regret. I know that there were things you wanted to say that you never got a last chance to.

I know that you have turned into someone you don’t recognize; someone bitter and oozing pain from every pore. I know that you feel alone. I know the plans you are afraid to make , because you don’t know where your loved one will be in sobriety on that day. I know you have lost friends. I know people are sick of hearing it. I know you have finally begun to suffer in silence because said people are sick of hearing it. I know you are embarrassed. I know you have lost your shit so epically, many times, that you made Britney 2007 look like an amateur.

I know you have deleted phone numbers, hidden keys, locked up valuables and slept with money on your person. I know you watch breathing patterns. I know you are tired. I know sometimes you wish you would die. I know you have no spoons. I know you do not feel like you can face another day.

More importantly; I know your unconditional love. I know you are doing the best you can do because of that love. I know you don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. I know that watching the person you love turn into the person both you and they hate is tearing your heart out.

I know you have tried every single thing you can possibly do. EVERYTHING except help yourself.

I would not change a single thing about my life
with Ed, I loved him, I adored him and I liked being with him more than any other adult on this planet, but If I could do it all over again, I would have found better ways to take care of ME while leaving the rest up to a higher power( who knew there was one higher than me😊) I could fight beside him, but it wasn’t my battle, it was his. Believe me, I know that is the most frustrating part. We want to do anything humanly possible to keep the people we love safe. If love could have saved my guy he surely would have been immortal.

I would have lectured less, prayed more and just simply loved. Even if at times I had to do that from a distance.

I wish with all my heart, I had answers and soloutions for many of you, I don’t. I can just empathazie, support , pray for and love each and every single one of you who has reached out to me.

I had hope until Ed’s last breath. Where there is life there is hope and I sincerely wish for each and every one of you that hope becomes a reality.

Lots of love and big cyber hugs

 

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy

 

43 thoughts on “A Message from Elizabeth Anne Grundy, ‘The Junkie’s Wife’

  1. Dear Elizabeth, I am sorry for your loss, my loss, and everyone else that has lost a loved one to drugs. Our love for our “lost ones” is unconditional. I hated the drugs but loved the addicted. I wish that I could have read what the “judgy lady” wrote. With everything I’ve said, you will think I’m a judgemental person too, because as much as I like reading what you’ve written…I don’t think the “POTTY” words were necessary. And yes I am going to read more.

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  2. I loved for many years, ended that relationship ,only to find another one just like it ,I am truly trying to love from a distance ,the pain of the daily destruction as taken a yoll on me. And my fam relationships , forcing a choice ,, I’m praying , with every thread of my being ,that he finds help ,yet , I feel so defeated, I am so sorry for your loss

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  3. Thank you for all you do, have done, gone through, and keeping your babies safe in life…and coming to terms and realizing it needs to be about YOU and your child(rens) future.
    I came across the judgy post on fb; as someone close to me shared it. Her adult grandson has had narcam 5+ times now…she is counting the days until he is gone. It’s heart breaking, but there’s nothing you can do. I then came looking for myself and found this post…
    Every.single.instance. you mentioned; lol resonates with me. It really struck me. I wouldn’t really ever say I’ve been IN your situation…but in some, odd way, some degree…I have. My ex(baby daddy) became a homeless junkie for 6 months or more..it was a living hell for me, I can’t imagine how it was for him, or you. We had gone to work out of state together for a 6mos project, he tried drugs from ppl he met working there. It quickly spiraled out of control, but I didn’t really know what was going on. I caught him cheating on me in the hotel, turns out he was high as a kite. Days later he put a gun to my head…many awful things happened in a very short timeframe. Long story short, I left for home, he was literally supposed to be following…he fell off the face of the planet for another 6months. I would get a random call at 4am…hearing gunshots…screaming…and “click”….a month would go by before I got another call. I hardly slept, and had my phone in my hand every second. I was SO done w/him relationship wise, but I knew I was the only one tht could have even a remote chance of bringing him back home, and back to reality…and his parents were begging/blaming me. I put my mental health & life in a horrible fate by trying to convince him I still loved him and needed him to return. I went starving so that I could send tickets/money for bus tickets that he nvr bought, or boarded. I finally got him back home & I had to fake/force a relationship w/him, when looking at him gave me pure disgust…just to keep him sober. The few times he relapsed; I would spend all night watching him breathe…just like I did with my alcoholic mother as a child. It’s an AWFUL existence! I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. That year AGED me horribly; mentally, physically, emotionally draining me to the core. Thank God we did not have my child back then. Thank God he’s not in our lives. I hope he’s thanked God he had me, and still has his life.
    Thank you for the reminder…of all the horrible details of the experience I had through 2006. 🙏🏻
    We cannot move forward in appreciation, love, and thanksgiving…without remembering the hard times and sadness of the past. Keep it in perspective😉

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  4. I’m a recovering heroin addict, 3 years clean and sober… bought a home and have a baby on the way. I was an active user for 16 years! Your words, even from my point of view as an addict, ring 100% true. I’m so sorry for your loss but so proud of your words and actions ! Keep speaking out! Keep speaking your mind and sharing your feelings, after all they are yours and never wrong no matter who had an opinion on it. You loved him…. that is clear. And no matter how bad things were, he loved you. Even in drug use we love with all of our hearts, we never intend to hurt anyone and we even tire of hurting ourselves but don’t know how to stop. We never grow up with the intention to be addicts and to cause chaos. Some where along the way we forget to love ourselves.

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  5. Hi Elizabeth sorry about all the negative assholes who really don’t know how your felling I understand I was there for 45 yrs and don’t know how I survived all I can say is GOD bless you and the Lord has a special plan for you. Love you girl, smitty!!!!

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