Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.


Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy


451 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. What you wrote was absolutely and totally the truth and was done so beautifully! Im so sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you as well as many many prayers. I am a recovering addict. I got clean in 2001 and stayed clean until 2010… my adopted father the one person in my life that truly loved me passed away and with his passing brought two of the predators back into my life briefly but proved to be to long. I picked up again… but thats not the end of my story! I am so very pleased to tell you and the whole world I’ve been clean now and hopefully forever since January 2016!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, yes, YES to all of this!!! Narcan would have saved my baby…now forever 26…loving son, loyal friend, champion of the underdog, Christ follower, and brought to opioid addiction by “pain management” doctors after a severe car accident at the age of 21. Not all addicts are junkies…and all of them are someone’s child, someone’s sibling, someone’s parent, someone’s love.


  3. This touched my heart, My baby sister was not addicted to Heroin but she was addicted to meth, she was a good and decent person , a mother to three beautiful little girls,. Was he perfect ? No. she suffered a lot of tragedy in her 25 years here on earth and her heart had a constant ache for happiness she could not attain because of those horrible things she survived . She searched high and low for joy but the pain out weighed the joys and always over took. If you knew her you know she loved hard , she made people laugh, she loved elderly people and she loved her babies. She started using to try and numb the pain and she had some friends who were not good people but she always saw the good in people, they are directly responsible for her death and law enforcement just tagged her another junkie, which she wa not. She was loved by many people but she made some bad choices and she paid the ultimate price. Because people like the woman in the story judge people who use , the families of addicts feel ashamed to talk about their loved one for fear of being judged harshly. Why would you even post something so hateful ? Why do you have to write something that you know will hurt the people who love these “addicts” they are people too and they deserve love just as you do. I love your post
    And I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you for voicing what I could not when my sister died 12 years ago.


  4. Im in tears. I think that was the most heartwrenching article on addiction i have read. I am an addict, while ive had long periods of abstinence, i always relapse. I get sooo mad at ppl when they say let em die, stop wasting money. Well their not wasting money on me, they are on my family that wants one more day than my sister had or my brother had. That one more day could actually be the time they win and get to keep me. Because if it were up to me, the 911 call that my daughter made as i laid dead for 8 minutes, would’ve never happened. I would’ve finally been done with this fight! But they think im worth it. Ppl dont get it, and im like you i hope they never have too. I dont wish this addiction on my worst enemy! I am sorry for your loss. And although i wish no on had to advocate that junkies lifes do matter, i find some peace that ppl like you existed. And that our lives matter!


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