Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.


Dear judgy lady on Facebook,

I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore. My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and As much as I think you suck for saying what you did,I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss.

I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained. I left parties early, I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second…

I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love” The heart racing, soul fucking stuff that roll of the eye inducing movies are made out of.
Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, I protected it, I stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost. Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you”. I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact… I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away.

I get it, you think it was his”choice”. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. If I told you how wrong you are, you probably will not be convinced. He is the face of a million “junkies “to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed. You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with ” I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head. It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts. He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.

The junkies wife.

~Elizabeth Ann Grundy


414 thoughts on “Dear judgy lady on Facebook- I hope you never learn about addiction the way I have.

  1. I have 2 children and they both have drug addiction issues. I thank God they are still here. My son has been sober for the past 6 year’s but the 12 years he put my husband and I through I must have lost my mine 3 times. I had to let go and let God. I prayed he he would hate his sin more than he loved his high. I’ve been to the morgue looking for his body to visiting him in jail. He was a mean nasty person and didn’t care about anyone but himself. But I loved my son. I wanted so badly for him to have a good life.
    Anyone who deals with a drug addict can relate. It was the hardest time of my life until I found out my daughter, mother of 3 beautiful little girls , was doing the same thing and started At age 28. My heart was sick. My grandbabies found a needle and brought it to me in a little sock. I was devastated. I literally ran away. I came back. I had to get legal custody . I couldn’t handle it custody. It made me sick. It was physically sick bc I am in my 60’s. My heart was sick for my grandbabies but I had to let go. I still saw them and had a relationship but I had to let go.
    I moved.
    To date I have a good relationship with my kids. Moving away was good bc I didn’t enable them anymore. Our visits are good. She has been sober for 4 months.
    I don’t worry anymore. I let go and am trusting God. He is good to me and knows I have done all I know to do and even in my doing wrong it has been forgiven. I am very grateful my kids are sober at the moment. I know at anytime they can slip. They know I will not allow them to be in my presence if they are using. But I love them with every ounce of my being.
    My story sounds hard. I sound uncompassionate . O coped the way I knew. I believe in God. I believe in salvation and I know if my kid died I’d see them in heaven for eternity and they would be well.
    The only way to not be a heroin addict is not to use. The body get addicted once it’s in there. Sometimes it takes more than one time and sometimes it doesnt. We all have a type of addiction. Some people are shopaholics, food addicts, sex addicts, alcoholics etc…
    The brain disorder becomes a problem when they allow the pull to sucks them in and most people are too weak. I am one of them. Also situations plays a big part. My daughter was married to the meanest man I know. He called me the *c–t* word and everything under the sun. I did all I could for his family. My daughter said she did heroin to numb herself. Her therapist told her she had PTSD from her marriage.
    We all have life issues. I am thankful for all I’ve learned. I can help other mothers through my experiences. My life is good in spite of it all. God is my peace and comfort. I am so grateful.
    As for those whom lost a child husband friend or other, my heart goes out to you. I pray for you. I can not imagine. I wont say I could. All I know it is a very hard life on both ends. God bless you all.


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